My Story
by Jagiya.Period
Summary: Sasuke’s mother walked through the door finding the following. Her husband being butt raped by a broom. Her son whamming a broom at her husband. Sakura helping Sasuke with illegal acts of “Adult Abuse”. Yeah yeah, merry Christmas. SasuSakuCrackFic
1. My Cute, Adorable, Pink Gym Shorts

My Story – 1

My one and only, my moon and sun, just to let you know, this is chapter one.

_Calm down! Just because the whole class saw me without pants…and got a good view of my underwear…Doesn't mean it's the end of the world! _Sakura could feel herself tearing up from the utter embarrassment. _I'm pathetic!_

Her face turned so red, Sasuke could've sworn she was about to explode into a million pieces. That would've been akward… Actually, scratch that. THIS IS AKWARD. Oh no! Akward Silence! GAY BABIES? I think NOT!

**Don't kill me please- if it is so utterly bad, then you have all the right in the world to 'X'-Out and never return. Please and thank you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. This is a purely fan-made story, with the exception of the use of characters which was mentioned early. I have no creativity when it comes to this disclaimer.**

_**Notes that will eventually get into the story:**_ _**(read this!)**_

-The girl's locker room is separate from the gym. So is the guy's. Technically, you have to walk out of the locker room and take a 'hallway walk' to get to the gym. (This will eventually make sense)

_Sometimes I wish 'Random' was a genre…I would totally fit that profile! Unless it already IS a genre…Then whoopsie-doos…_

_LETS_

_GET_

_STARTED?_

_1_

* * *

_Incident? _

_With a pink crayon, I began writing (More like scribbling) all over the walls of my bedroom... "Sakura? What in the world are you doing?" yelled my mother. I just giggled and continued writing 'Uchiha Sakura' far and wide, across my walls. _

_Hehe…_

_Alright. It wasn't the BEST decision in my life. But I did it anyway. You can say I was a bit obsessed with this god-like being, which we referred to as Sasuke. Or that I was some crazy fan girl hoping for attention. I don't care because honestly, I might have agreed with you… After all, I don't consider myself sane. _

_After that happened, my mother stomped over to the Uchiha Residence. And it was NOT a pretty site. _

_Seriously._

_I held my head down while she talked to Sasuke's mother. He just stood there with a bored expression, next to his mother who was chatting away with mine. He glanced at me and I felt my face grow hot. I was obviously embarrassed. I didn't get why my MOTHER had to be involved in my life! _

_I honestly didn't know 8 year olds can have crushes. Not to mention… sex fantasies. _

"_SASUKE-KUN! HAVE MY BABIES!" I screamed at him as I ran over and hugged him. He squirmed as a result to the embrace._

_IF YOU'RE GONNA DO IT, DO IT BIG!_

"_You're so annoying…" Unfortunately, he liked that saying. He said it 'fit me all too well.' This is why he started saying "annoying, annoying, annoying, annoying, annoying, annoying," every time I freaking see him. If I could, I would take every chance to shoot him in that pretty face of his._

_In the end, it just looked like a blob of pink on my wall. Of course my handwriting was terribly horrendous. In my sad attempt at script writing, it appeared as if it said, "Uehucha Sakwna." C'mon I was six! Cut me some slack…_

_Or I'll cry and take you down with me._

_The next day, while I was at school, my mother scrubbed it off my walls. I noticed my father didn't even give a crap. I remember coming home crying, finding my scribbles of LOVE; washed away with mere soap and water… just when I thought LOVE CONQUERED ALL! (Even if the dreaded enemy was, indeed, soap and water...)_

_Well overall, if it wasn't for my mother, I would have never seen Sasuke-kun that night. It was probably the first time we interacted OUTSIDE of school, where we were forced to see each other. It meant alot... I guess I have to thank her for that, right?_

* * *

Chapter 1: My Cute, Adorable, Pink Gym Shorts

The Locker Room/Hallway

* * *

"Uchiha Sasuke…" she said slowly, with venom dripping from every syllable, "I know you have them…"

The 16-year old stood, hiding behind the girl's locker door, with a sour look. Her pink head was peeping out of the small gap between the wall and the door. The on-looker just watched her, amused.

"Why are you hiding back there?" he asked. Well he knew _why_, but he just enjoyed oh-so-much to humiliate her. It was a daily ritual. In a sense, he was mocking her. Sakura's face grew pink, somewhat matching her distinct hair color. The raven haired male tried to poke his head into the locker room. She slammed the door in his face.

"STOP LOOKING!"

_Na, na, na, na, PERVERT!_

He could hear her cries from behind this block of wood that separated them (Normal people refer to them as 'doors'…). Her arm came jolting out from behind the door. She waved it around while she asked, "WHERE ARE MY DAMN GYM SHORTS?"

"How the hell would I know?" he spat at her. Oh what a great actor he was. He just hid those cute, adorable, pink gym shorts behind his back. He could hear the rumbling and trashing from the locker room. With a triumphant smirk, he just looked at the clock while gym time was being wasted away. He stood in the hallway while he waited for her reaction.

_1) Slow reaction time_

_2) Why didn't a teacher notice me standing in the middle of the hallway, in front of the GIRL'S locker room…?_

"Well, I can't find them!" she alleged, as he saw her poke her head, once again, out from her prison. Yes, she was stuck there. Why? Because she was _half naked._

_Shirt? Yup._

_Bra? Yes… Thank god too._

_Undies? OF COURSE._

_Shorts? … _

"So you automatically _assume_ I took them?" Sasuke mused.

"Duh. You're the _devil_," the pink haired girl stated bluntly.

The male just rolled his eyes as he said, "I really don't see the problem here…"

"What the hell? UCHIHA, I'M HALF NAKED! AND I LOST MY PANTS! Have you lost your sanity?"

"Hn. No?" Sasuke flew her pink gym shorts in front of her face.

Her expression? _Priceless._

She attempted to grab them and Sasuke, being a typical jerk, pulled them away.

"You… ASS!" she yelled.

2nd attempt was a failure as he pulled them back.

_Damn his fast reflexes._

Sakura, trying to save herself from humiliation, just lunged at him. She got her hands on her precious gym shorts and kept a tight grip, not planning on letting them go now.

_Grave mistake._

Sasuke still has his grasp on them and he pulled the pink pants away… taking the girl with them. She stumbled out of the locker room and landed right on top of him. The pink haired student wrestled him for her clothing back. He just kept resisting and keeping them away.

_How childish._

Not noticing the noise they were making, Sasuke and Sakura were at war. During the whole time, Sasuke's smirk was on his face, while Sakura was pink. Pink as Pink can get.

_BAM _

_BAM_

_CRASH_

"GIVE ME MY SHORTS NOW!"

"Tch."

"SASUKEEEEEEEEE!"

_CRASH_

_POW_

_BAM _

_BAM_

_BAM_

"Oww-ie my hair! I'LL KILL YOU!"

"Like I care?"

_Tch, annoying little-_

Gai-sensei, their _youthful_ teacher, came in. And all the other students came in_ as well. _And Yes, this _picture perfect _moment would be remembered forever.

_THE BEST YEAR BOOK PHOTO EVER!_

Sakura was on top of him, while Sasuke was under neither her, holding her pants out-of-her-hand's-reach. The poor little pink haired girl was, indeed, only in her shirt and underwear. Her face turned so red, Sasuke could've sworn she was about to explode into a million pieces. That would've been akward… Actually, scratch that. THIS IS AKWARD.

_Oh no! Akward Silence! GAY BABIES? I think NOT!_

Sakura buried her face into Sasuke's chest, trying to hide her face of SHAME. The pink haired girl made a whining sound against him, and as the teacher looked at them both in a shocked expression, Sasuke's smirk began to fade.

_God Damn it._

"This…THIS IS UNYOUTHFUL! UNACCEPTABLE! UNHEARD OF! YOU TWO SOULS ARE NOT EVEN MARRIED!" roared Gai-sensei. He ran over to all his students, blocking their sight with his hands.

"SHEILD YOUR VIRGIN EYEEEEES!"

Sasuke and Sakura were _COMPLETELY_ aware what this looked like. Trying to sneak a _quickie_ during class? I THINK NOT!

"Ano…Sensei?" Sakura mumbled, trying to sneak in a few words to defend herself.

"I HAVE SEEN ENOUGH TO SCAR ME FOR THE REST OF MY YOUTHFUL LIFE! TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE!" He ordered them.

Before leaving, Sakura grabbed her shorts and slid them on. They took that long…quiet…shameful… (ehem) walk to the principal's office.

_Okay, this is okay, Sakura…Calm down! Just because the whole class saw me without pants…and got a good view of my underwear…Doesn't mean it's the end of the world! _

Sakura could feel herself tearing up from the utter embarrassment.

…

_I'm pathetic!_

A long sigh escaped the blonde's lips. Sakura just sat in front of her principal while playing with the hem of her shorts. Sasuke just wondered how long they've been in here.

"…"

"…"

_A silence hovered over the office…_

"…?"

"…Sexual Intent," began Tsunade-baa-chan, who was reading a referral from Gai-sensei.

"Well, It says here that _quote_, 'they were inappropriately FONDLING each other while Haruno-san was DEPANTSED by her LOVER'… _End quote_…"

"'Fondling?' More like Groping with OCD," Sasuke stated. As he said that, Sakura just glared at him. Of course it was no match for the UCHIHA GLARE OF DOOM! But it was good enough to make even Sasuke proud. (Which he wasn't because he couldn't care less.)

"Well! This wouldn't have happened if you didn't STEAL MY PANTS!"

"True, but I didn't _steal_ it. I merely borrowed it."

"FOR WHAT? YOUR SICK PLEASURES?"

"For my amusement," he smirked. Sakura gave a disgusted look from shame and defeat.

"Pervert…"

"Apparently, there is something going on here…" said the elder blonde with a sly smile. Sakura blushed madly as she understood what her principal _was getting at._

"No, no! I-It is not as it seems, Tsunade-sama! Uh…Um…Total misunderstanding!" Sakura said with trembling words.

"No…Sakura, the _jig_ is up. We might as well _come clean_," Sasuke stood up from his chair. Sakura just looked stupidly and utterly confused. She was taken back.

"Yes, we did intend to have sex bu-"

"WHOA WHOA, WAIT WHAT?" Sakura interrupted with wide eyes and a hanging jaw.

"WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING?" Sakura stood from her chair and turned to Tsunade who was pleasantly listening to the current situation. ".GOD."

_There is NO WAY Tsunade-sama is actually BELIEVING THIS B.S.!_

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD, TSUNADE-SAMA HE'S CRAZY DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! HAHA! HE'S…um...HE'S A BIT, YA KNOW! WOOHOO IN THE HEAD? HA HA!" she laughed nervously.

"Che, calm down," he said coolly as he pulled the paranoid female back into her seat, "I was kidding."

_Thank Kami-sama._

Well, they sat there, listening to what Tsunade had to say. It mostly consisted of "blah blah … don't do…blah blah… bad stuff… blah… no sex…blah blah."

_Wait…I know I heard the word sex somewhere._

Sasuke paid attention for a few seconds… After he realized it was more "blah blahhhhh pregnancy…blah blah…BLAH… No sex in school…" (basically nothing INTERESTING…) he just ignored…and tuned her out.

Sakura was sleeping. Yes, sleeping.

"Do I make myself clear?" Tsunade finally said, wrapping everything up. Sasuke pinched Sakura awake. She made a sound that sounded oddly like 'owww-ie! Uhhwha?'

"Hai," they chimed. As they stepped out of the Blonde's office, they heard the final school bell ring.

_Thank heaven all mighty… today has been SUCKY ENOUGH._

Sakura made her way to the locker room (she was still in her gym clothes.) After going to her own locker to retrieve her homework, she walked to the front entrance to leave. Her glossy pink hair flew behind her as she strolled down the quiet halls. To her sweet surprise, _her knight in shining armor_ was waiting for her.

_Just when I thought he had enough of me._

"Mou, you waited for me Sa-su-ke-Kun?" Sakura teased. The Uchiha just rolled his eyes.

"I can't let you walk home alone," he stated bluntly as he began walking down the front steps of the school. Sakura trailed behind, trying to not BE left behind.

"Why?" she questioned his motives, "were you worried about me?" Her face lit up as she assumed he WAS worried.

"Is it because you have some feelings that deep down you would never admit even thought I have an idea of what they are? OR MAYBE you secretly care about my safety?" Sakura smiled due to the countless excuses she could think up for Sasuke's remain.

"Che, Don't make me laugh," he spat coldly, "Besides, if you get raped, I get blamed. Got it?"

"Oh come ON! What are they chances that I, Haruno Sakura, get raped?" she challenged.

"Hm, you're right. You should walk home alone from now on…" Sasuke said as he intended on leaving her by herself. He held a satisfied smirk on his face as he didn't hear a retort from the girl trailing him. After a while of silence, Sasuke felt a sudden _push. _Sakura had caught up to him and clung to his arm. With a desperate whimper, she held her head down.

_No. Please. Don't-_

"Don't leave me," she whispered as she hopelessly clung to him, her grip tightening on his sleeve. Sasuke, with a sympathetic look, let her cling to him.

_Just this once…_

He could feel his shirt becoming damp. _She's crying. Again._

He smirked to himself. For old time's sake, he said-

"You're so annoying."

"Kaa-san," Sasuke called out as he removed his shoes, "We're home." Sakura came running in after him, avoiding the September winds that played with her hair. Mikoto Uchiha stuck her head out of the kitchen, holding a wooden spoon. Obviously, she was in the middle of cooking.

"Sassssuke-kun!" she ran to her son to hug him. He grabbed his head and held it against her chest; suffocating the poor lad.

"How was the first week of school?" she asked, still embracing her _baby_ and shaking him around. Sasuke was unable to answer, due to the face that he _couldn't breathe very well._

_Brain…_

_Losing…_

_OXYGEN._

Sasuke's eye twitched in anger (and the lack of oxygen, mind you) at his mother's _Public Display of Parental Affection _in front on Sakura. Mikoto's eyes then fell upon Sakura who was still removing her shoes. She grinned as she "attacked" the pinked haired girl next.

"Sakuuuura-chan!" Sakura gasped at the sudden hug-fest, "You get cuter and cuter everyday."

Sasuke's mother winked at her as she pinched her pink, warm cheeks.

"Arigato gozaimasu, Mikoto-san," she smiled politely and bowed. Sasuke headed up stairs to his room to get a start on his homework. Sakura followed behind.

_Poke…_

_Poke…_

_Why is he immune to my POKE-AGE?_

_Poke…_

_And 'Poke-age' is a word! DON'T DOUBT ME. _

A hand grabbed her wrist. She earned a "GLARE OF UCHIHA DOOM!" from the victim of her poke-age.

"Sakura, stop touching me…"

"But every time I poke your cheek, it wiggles back into place!"

"It's not going anywhere."

"BUT IT'S FACINATING!"

Sasuke looked at her as if she was on crack.

"Go do something with your life."

"Fine! I WILL. Mikoto-saaaan?" she called down the hall, "Do you need help with dinner?"

The pink haired girl got up and left the room. The room grew silent…

_Peace_

_And_

_Quiet._

_Finally._

"_Sasukeeee-kun?"_

_Poke…_

_Another poke…_

_Pokey-poke_

"_Wakey-Wakey Sasuke-kun!"_

His eyes drowsily awoke to see green…and pink.

_It's the devil in disguise…_

"Sasuke-kun, it's time for dinner!" Sakura said, as she bounced out of the room in a light blue apron and a fork in her hand. Sasuke turned his head to the clock next to his side table. Dinner at 9?

"How was your nap sleepy-head?" asked his mother who was seated by his father. His father, Uchiha Fugaku, was reading the paper… like he always does. Itachi? No where to be found… Oh joy. Sakura giggled with his mother.

"There's no way I'm eating this."

"WHY NOT?"

"There're scales on it."

"And so?"

"The cook is supposed to _De-scale_ the fish. Tell the cook _she did it wrong_"

"Well, _Sasuke-kun_, I don't see YOU cooking."

"It's a woman's job."

_TWITCH_

"You can't cook for your life."

_TWITCH TWITCH_

"Besides, you probably poisoned it anyway."

_TWITCH_

"Tch, Useless…"

_CLENCHING FISTS…_

"This is inedible," he stood up from the table, "I'm going to sleep."

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, YOU POMPOUS JERK!" Sakura said, pointing at him, "calling him out."

"I'M NOT EATING UNTIL YOU FINISH YOUR FOOD!"

"That's your problem," he obviously stated as he went upstairs.

_Well, you can't argue with THAT logic!_

"Grrr…RAWR!" Oh hell, she was mad. She was about to storm off to cause bodily harm to that snobbish boar but before so, she bowed to his parents, thanking them for the chance of eating dinner.

Sasuke was lying in his bed. Sakura was sitting on the floor, her back against the side of his futon. The lights were out because Sasuke was ATTEMPTING to sleep. Unfortunately for him, gurgling was keeping him up.

_Her damn stomach…_

"Sakura, go eat," he said with his back turned to her. She leaned her head back, feeling as if she was going to die of starvation right then and there.

"Not until you eat…"

"You're hungry."

"No I'm not."

_GURGLE_

Sasuke sighed…

"Well! Eh… You could've _at least_ had a little bit of it…It took me forever to make it."

"I _did_, it sucked."

"Was it THAT bad?"

"Hn…"

"It tasted okay to me…"

"Then your taste buds are defective."

"Hmph!"

Sakura got up and walked to her room, which was right beside his. Even in the huge Uchiha estate, she chose a room next to his when she moved in. She remembered always getting lost in the humongous place. The only room she could find was Sasuke's and the front door…which isn't exactly a room. Naturally, she found her way around… took her a while though, so to speak.

"Are you going to eat?" he called to her as she stepped out of his room.

"No," she said with a smile on her face, knowing he was _somewhat worried_, "I think I can live without eating for one night."

"Mm…"

He could hear the sinks turning on from down the hall, indicating Sakura was in the bathroom. Not that he cared… Sakura went past his room to get to hers, and he caught a quick glimpse of her. She slid into her sheets and stared at the clock, wondering how long it would take her to fall asleep.

_Ah…A heavenly smell… Is that…_

Sakura awoke to see a plate of…Waffles?

_DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES?_

_Yeah, we like waffles!_

_DO YOU LIKE PANCAKES?_

_Yeah, we like pancakes!_

_DO YOU LIKE FRENCH TOAST?_

_Yeah, we like French toast!_

_DU, DU, DU, DU, CAN'T WAIT TO GET A MOUTHFUL!_

"Uhh…?" Sakura sat up and saw the delicious waffles on her side table. With syrup, strawberries on the side, a mountain of them…yes, heaven on earth. But wait…

_Where did they come from?_

After the death of those delicious waffles, she took a look at the clock…

"Mmm… eight thirty already?" she said… "EIGHT THIRTY? WHAT THE FUCK! I'M LATE!"

Sakura got changed and combed her hair at light speed. She took her homework and slipped on her shoes. Before leaving she noticed a plate was on the kitchen table. A dirty empty plate …

_Sasuke's plate…_

_From dinner?_

"_Well, Sasuke-kun, I don't see YOU cooking."_

A sweet smile graced her lips. She put the dish in the sink before leaving, noticing a waffle pan lying there.

_He makes one hell of a waffle…_

* * *

The Terrible Conclusion of CHAPTER 1

Well I decided that this part was fairly blank so I decided to put some stuff here. –Smiles-

CRAZY SUPER LOUD DANCE DOOPER DROWSY CUZ ITS 10 OCLOCK… My nap time is 10:30. :D

_**REVIEW PRETTY PLEASE? PLEASE? I BEG OF YOU.**_

_**WHAT IS THIS REVIEWING YOU SPEAK OF?#?#?#$&?$?&**_


	2. My Pink Faced Embarrassment

My Story – 2

This is poopey crappy chapter number two…which is twice as worse as number one…Actually…Number one was a piece of-

"Halloween is MY DAY, thus, making me the DICTATOR! And _this dictator_," she announced, pointing to herself, "demands that you escort her around the neighborhood to obtain a RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF CANDY!"

(I will be repeating the summary [I think I spelled that wrong, can It be spelled with either A or E? My spell Check is being an ignorant spaz. in every chapter incase you don't know. I honestly don't find it a big deal but whatever…)

**Don't kill me please- if it is so utterly bad, then you have all the right in the world to 'X'-Out and never return. Please and thank you. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. I don't own any brand names, specific labels, etc. This is a purely fan-made story, with the exception of the use of characters which was mentioned early. I have no creativity when it comes to this disclaimer.**

RANDOMLY SAD AND RANDOMLY FUNNY. RANDOMLY ROMANTIC AND HATED.

(this is what happens when the author has severe EMOTIONAL UNSTABLITY![or instability… whatever)

-Ugh… Second Chapter. Not so Excited but Alright.

LETS

GET

STARTED?

2

* * *

_Mmmm…Candy._

_STRAWBERRY_

_CANDY_

_CHOCOLATE_

_CANDY_

_SWEET_

_CANDY_

_SOUR_

_CANDY_

_CHEWY_

_CAND-_

_Yes, I think they get it…_

_IT'S OCTOBER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?_

_It's Halloween kiddies!_

_That's right mysterious-voice-that-came-out-of-my-HEAD! Oh Kami-sama, do I have schizophrenia? Ah, ANYWAY, October is the best month of the freaking year! WHY? Well, my idiotic friend, I shall tell you now!_

_1) Candy Sugar rush!_

_2) Sugar rushes the orgasm of your YOUTH (And yes this fact is true! I found it on the internet… THUMBS UP FOR TECHNOLOGY!)_

_3) BUNCH OF FREE CANDY_

_4) Being with your friends…_

_5) Oh Kami-sama, I'm only really in it for the sugar… _

_If Halloween was a god, I would worship him. I would have a shrine in my closet. YES, IN MY CLOSET, dedicated to this candy king! I would have rotting candy in my closet YEAR AROUND! I bet no one is more dedicated than me! CHA. _

_THIS IS MY HALLOWEEN AND NO ONE CAN RUIN IT._

_Especially _him_…_

_When I was like 7-ish, I went trick-o-treating. And hell, IT WAS AWESOME! My night was going perfectly fine, super fun! I was with Ino, that pig and we just went up and down my block. My mother wasn't with us, which was very IRRESPONSIBLE OF HER, but we were only going up and down the block anyway. Then we would return home and eat our candy. _

_Yeah, it wasn't much candy, but as I got older, the routes got longer and longer. And now, being 16, I go as far as I need to. The farther, the better. _

"_Forehead girl!"_

_Jesus Christ…_

"_How much candy did you get?" she asked me while she sucked on a lollipop._

_I took a look in her bag… which was twice as much as mine. Oh yes, these people were PREJUDICE against PINKIES! You like blondes better, huh? _

_PINKIES UNITE! _

_DIVIDE AND CONQUER! _

_Without receiving an answer from me, she just peeped into my bag. _

_"Heeey! I have more than you!" she said as she stuck out her tongue. Showing off again, hm? I made a sour face._

_"SLUT! THAT'S BECAUSE YOU WHORE AROUND WITH YOUR LITTLE SEVEN YEAR OLD BODY. HEY PEDOPHILES, OVER HERE! FRESH MEAT!"_

_Reeeewind…_

_Paaaause…_

_Plaaay…_

_Okay I didn't really say that. But, hell, I wish I did. She WAS a slut, at least for Halloween. Stupid midriff-showing fairy outfit. You are freaking SEVEN YEARS OLD; you have nothing to SHOW OFF. Other than candy, mind you._

_I just smiled and played along. Smile…and nod…THEN STAB!_

_Kidding… _

_Unfortunately I wasn't the grim reaper, which is one of the most OVERUSED costumes in the history of costum-age. Not being a grim reaper meant not having a scythe to cut her NOT SO CUTE head off. I, instead, was a princess! I had a long pink dress that covered me very well, (stupid Ino. Trust me, she's my best friend and all but…eh) with a little pink crown with little pink plastic jewels. Oh it was unbearably pink…_

_We entered the last house on my block… The HUGE Uchiha estate. It wasn't all decorated and such, but it was the scariest house on my BLOCK. (At least in my opinion.)_

_MY HOUSE, on the other hand, was fully decorated and it had skeletons dangling and pumpkins with deformed faces…yeah the usual. _

_I knew my face was on fire as I walked up to his steps. Ino, who was being TOTALLY _

_PERSISTENT, pushed me and urged me to knock. I could freaking hear my HEARTBEAT IN MY EARS. That is some scary shit. _

_Knock…_

_Knock…_

"_Boo."_

_Eyes widened. _

_I screamed._

_Everything went black._

_I was down for the count. _

* * *

Chapter 2: My Pink-Faced Embarrassment

Once upon an October…

* * *

The pink haired teenager was posing in front of a mirror. Standing in a flowing mostly-white gown, she frowned at herself. She put her hands under her bust, pushing up her breasts. She growled at her misery.

_WHY AM I SO FLAT-CHESTED? _

This white gown had rips and tears, it was dirty and filthy. The strapless dress reached the floor and dragged, sagging as she practiced walking in it. She picked up her veil and placed it on her head. She looked unbearably sad.

_Perfect. _

"How did a homeless person get into my house?"

Sakura, not knowing someone was watching her, turned her head towards the voice. She glared at him as she flipped her veil over her shoulder.

"I'm not HOMELESS. If I was, I wouldn't be in your house. Make sense?" she hissed, "and I'm a _zombie bride_!"

"I'm not interested in your _little fantasies_, Sakura," Sasuke said as he leaned against the doorframe.

_Playing dress-up I see…_

"Ehh, what are you talking about?" she questioned, "This outfit is for Halloween, idiot."

_Now, I'M the idiot…?_

"…Aren't you too old for Halloween?"

Her head slowly turned… in a slow, deadly (robotic) manner.

_She should be a ROBOT of Halloween._

"What..did…you…SAY!"

_Did he just insult the best holiday of the freaking year? _

_Did he just question my maturity? _

_Did he just offend my way of life? _

_Did he just call me old?_

_IS HE AWARE THAT HALLOWEEN IS MY "NEW YEAR?" (Making a point on how oh-so-important it is…)_

_Why am I asking myself theses questions when _I know I don't know_ the answer?_

_Oh my god, Oh my god, PANIC ATTACK!_

"HALLOWEEN IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD! DON'T QUESTION MY LOGIC!"

She retorted triumphantly. He just rolled his eyes again.

_I hope his eyes get stuck that way…_

As he tried to leave her room, she grabbed him by his dark blue collar. She had that evil-shine in her eye…

"Where do you think YOU'RE going?"

"I _think_ I'm going to my room," he challenged.

"But _honey,_" she said as she grabbed his arm and pulled him in front of the mirror, "we look _so happy_ together."

"Hn…"

_Whatever._

"Sasuke-Kun! You're trick-o-treating with me!" she chimed as she ran into his room in that _large, hideous dress. _She sat on the edge of his bed whereas he was lying down and watching the Television. Getting all touchy-feely, she snuggled close and clung to his arm.

"Do _I_ get a say in this?" he asked while he tried to pull away from her.

"Noooope."

_Sigh._

"Halloween is MY DAY, thus, making me the DICTATOR! And _this dictator_," she announced, pointing to herself, "demands that you escort her around the neighborhood to obtain a RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF CANDY!"

"Well_, this _dictator," Sasuke replied, point to himself, "suggests that _you_ jump off a building."

"What the…? Wouldn't that hurt?"

_My point…_

"No, it won't hurt because I'll catch you before you ever touch the ground," he remarked sarcastically. But of course, she couldn't tell the difference.

"Aww! Sasuke-kuuuun, you're the sweetest!"

"…"

"You're sweeter than a bucket full of candy!"

"…"

"Actually no… You're not THAT sweet…"

"…"

"Like maybe a…um…a jar…? A jar full of candy? Mm, no…That doesn't sound right…"

"…"

"Eh...how…how about a cup?…That doesn't make sense…I need something circumference-y… Is circumference-y even a word?"

"…"

"Uh…Kami-sama, this is hard…"

"…"

"Oh! I GOT IT! SASUKE-KUN, YOU ARE SWEETER THAN _A PIECE_ OF CANDY!"

Sakura proclaimed, as she turned to Sas-… ah wait…what the-

"Sasuke-kun?"

She looked around the room…Too bad the guy already left.

_Dot dot dot…_

The dreaded day has come. Yes folks, it is HALLOWEEN! In the Uchiha Household, life was nice, calm, and peaceful… in an alternate universe, maybe.

"Get the fuck away from me!"

"Gimme your PANTS!"

Sakura ran after him, chasing him for half an hour now, in the worn-out, old wedding dress. And the Uchiha was running for his life. Well, the life of his pants, anyway. Around and around the house… Sakura was in hot pursuit, with scissors in her hand. And no, she wasn't in heat. You perverts.

_Ever heard of DON'T RUN WITH SCISSORS?_

"I JUST NEED TO CUT IT A LITTLE!"

Sakura finally caught up with him.

_Gotcha, fool! _

She pulled his black, sleek pants off and made a few snips here and there. He was standing in his boxers and shirt… that consisted of a button-up formal shirt and a black suit jacket on top of it. She handed him his pants which he put on swiftly. Overall, his outfit was dirty, ripped, torn, and musty… just like it's supposed to be.

"Wonderful! MY ZOMBIE HUSBAND!" she laughed maniacally, as she pulled her filthy, spider-web-like veil over her face.

"Join me!" she exclaimed. She held her hand out to him and had a pumpkin basket in the other.

"I think I'll pass…" Sasuke said as he untied the black bow that was around his neck.

"WHAT? You can not leave me! We were joined in unholy matrimony, lived for eternities, and even DEATH CAN'T DO US PART!" she told as she wiped fake tears off her cheek, "You disappoint me Sasuke-kun…" She smeared the black eye liner, which went quite well with her outfit. The pink haired bride made bogus sobbing sounds and sniffles.

"Ugh…" Sasuke sighed out of frustration. Sakura walked over to him to fix the neck bow. She handed him a pumpkin basket as they linked arms (to Sasuke's disliking...).

"Ka-wa-ii!" exclaimed Sasuke's mother. She took out a camera and took a picture at every angle.

_I think these flashing lights will make me go epilepsy on her ass._

"Ah! Mikoto-san…" Sakura said, blushing at the attention. Sasuke shoved his hand over the camera lens.

_Party-pooper…_

"Okaa-san, that's enough," he finally said after 15 minutes of straight LIGHT-FLASHYNESS. Honestly, he was getting dizzy.

"Mm…Alright-ie!" she said, backing down with the camera, "Have fun and be safe!"

"We'll be back in a few hours," reassured Sakura as she waved and closed the door behind her. Sakura demanded Sasuke to link arms with her again. He refused, yet again. The pink haired bride whacked him across the head with her empty basket. He growled at her…

"Okay! We're going to start that way, and work our way around. Sounds good?"

"Aa…"

Sakura hopped onto the steps of the ninety-sixth house and rang the doorbell. The raven haired groom trailed behind in a sluggish manner, not wanting to do this anymore.

_God Damn it…_

"Trick-o-TREAT!" Sakura said, smiling at the resident, who happened to be a lovely old lady, "say trick-o-treat, _Honey_…" She smiled deviant-ly at her poor, poor husband.

"Trick or treat…" Sasuke hissed under his breath. The old woman put candy into there baskets.

"What a nice couple," she remarked.

"We got married and then we died!"

"How lovely."

_She can't seriously mean that…_

"Arigato gozaimasu!" Sakura said as she bowed to the elder. Sakura ran up to Sasuke, who was half way down the block.

"Mmm, she was nice!"

"You say that about _every_one…"

"NO! The guy down the street was a pervert. He was looking down my dress the whole time…"

_If I were him, I would be doing the same thing._

"It's not like there's _anything interesting _in there."

"What the fuck? Are you _gay_? BOOBS, SASUKE, BOOOOOOBS!"

Sasuke's eyes wandered to her…_bosoms. Curiosity killed the cat? _

_Heh…Boobies._

A smirk began to grow on his lips. A light blush was appearing on his face, it went unnoticeable. He tilted his head slightly as he stared at the _mounds on her chest… heh. _They were so round and hypnotizing…

Can't.

Look.

Away!

_Yes, hypnotizing breasts…_

She snapped in his face, and he looked at her with a bored expression.

_What the fuck?_

"What?"

"What are you looking at?" she asked, looking around for anything interesting…

_How do you NOT notice a guy staring at your boobs?_

"Nothing..." He grabbed her wrist, trying to change the subject, "Let's go. It's getting late."

"No, it's not…"

Sakura poured the candy out of her basket onto the floor of Sasuke's room. It piled up into a candy mountain.

_Candy Mountain, Charlieeee!_

_A land of sweets and joy and joyness._

_Candy Moooountain!_

_Chaaar-_

Okay, enough of that.

She embraced her pile of candy for dear life. The sweet smell of chocolate filled her head. The pink haired girl pretended (or attempted) to swim in the sugary goodness. Sugary. Goodness. She laid down on top of it, as if it were a pile of crisp fall leaves. It was hard to believe that she was going to eat all the candy afterwards… Sasuke handed her his basket and went back to watching T.V.

"You don't want your candy, Sasuke-kun?"

"I don't like sweets…"

"Then why'd you come with me?"

"I was forced to."

"Sheesh, you could at least ACT like you wanted to come."

"Would you rather have me lie to you?"

"Sure, why not?"

"…"

Sakura emptied his basket onto the floor, mixing with her pile. She started sorting them out by type of candy. Kit Kat. Snickers. Twix. You name it.

"By the way, you have to clean that up later."

"Can't I just leave it here?"

"No?"

"But it's going to take _forever_ to clean up."

"You should've thought of that _before_ you dumped it onto my floor."

"Get out of my room."

* * *

_I swear to Kami-sama, it was the scariest thing in the world. This ugly, hairy monste- _

_Oh wait…that was just Sasuke. _

_Sasuke pulled his werewolf mask off as he glanced at the fainted princess on his front porch. Ino looked at me, eyes wide. How do I know all this? Ino told me about it after I came to. Yes, just to relive the embarrassment. _

"_Does she have narcolepsy?" he questioned as he tried to pick her up._

"_Uh…No? But she definately has I-am-nervous-around-Uchiha-Sasuke-itis."_

"_That's quite common these days," he stated sarcastically. He dragged the pink haired princess and dumped her onto his living room couch. Sasuke put her pumpkin basket on the table as he turned to Ino who was wondering around. The raven haired boy began pushing her towards the door._

_How rude._

"_Hey, HEY! What are you DOING?"_

"_Get out of my house."_

"_B-but Sakura!"_

"_She'll be fine."_

_Ino took one last look at him as he shut the door in her face. That little mother-_

"_YOU OWE ME CANDY!"_

_The young Uchiha grabbed a blanket from the closet. He threw it on the sleeping girl as if she was she pronounced as "dead". And he just left her there…_

_Mr. Oh-So-Caring?_

_Green eyes fluttered open as she looked at her surroundings. It was dark, lights were out. According to that digital clock glowing in the distance, it was already 3 in the morning. Whaaat…? She sat up and looked around. _

_Oh god, Oh god, Oh god…I'm gonna die!_

_She began to panic…_

_Okay…Calm…Calm. Just leave before anyone notices. YES! Good plan!_

_The panicky girl ran out of the house. _

"_!" she yelled, waking up half the neighborhood; even Sasuke and his parents…_

_Smooth, Haruno. Very smooth._

_The next morning was…BLEH._

_Sakura was sitting at her kitchen table eating cereal. As she heard the doorbell rang, she got up to answer it. _

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_RING RING RING RING_

"_GOD DAMN IT, HOLD ON!"_

_She opened the door and she felt the world stop moving. The look on his emotionless face made her sick to her stomach. Can anyone say 'Panic Attack?'_

_Uchiha Sasuke was standing at her door. _

"_Uh…Hi?"_

"_I didn't come here to make small talk."_

_That takes care of that…_

"_Umm…Okay…" _

_He gave her the pumpkin basket that was left, sitting on his living room table. She gratefully took it from him with trembling fingers._

"_You left it at my house."_

"_Right! A-ano…Thank you?"_

"_Aa…"_

_He walked off her porch. And she looked into her basket. Candy. Precious Candy._

_Even if he DIDN'T know candy was like the air I breathe, it meant a lot, that he brought it back to me. I guess I have to say that he SAVED my Halloween. I didn't even REALIZE I forgot my candy. Sooner or later, I would have been desperately crying for it._

_I can't stress it enough. I have NO OTHER WAY of saying it! I love candy. I LOVE HALLOWEEN. What would my life be WITHOUT IT? _

_It was a tiny deed. It was greatly appreciated. He didn't HAVE to do it. But he did it out of the kind of his heart. (Or maybe because his mother TOLD him to do it.)_

_But it didn't matter._

_I have my candy._

_Halloween is saved._

_Uchiha Sasuke is a hero!_

_But I don' want to embarrass him, of course, so I won't say anything. _

* * *

_**THE END OF CHAPTER 2.**_

It brings tears to my eyes. Tears of Joy, mind you.

_Mmmk. Major Writers block. Boring boring. There isn't really a plot to this story. OTHER THAN it will make sense in the end? I guess. Its just really a life-story of Sasuke and sakura (and all those other useless people involved…). _

_Um. Yeah. _

_**Reviews corner...Paragraph…thing.**_

**SiLLyKiTTyx3**: Yeah, Like I said, Its kinda a crackfic…And there isn't really a plot. IT'S A LIFE STORY. Life stories don't have plots. You don't plan on getting hit by a bus on August 30th at 12 oclock… At least I hope people don't… anyway, TY ILY SO MUCH. you make me feel good.

**BlackNekoAngelAlchemist**: The Uchiha what of whom? No, just kidding. Ty for yur lovely review. Love

**gray-0sno0-bunny**: Mmmm. I had my account for a while, I had a story. I deleted it. It failed lol. Like badly. :P So I killed it with my ferocious 'delete' button. Oh and the ENTER thing? It's the OCD, im sorry. I CANT stop hitting enter. All apologizes. TY for your review though

**SuMm3r-NiGhTss **and **TennantFangirl** deserve honorable mention for there REALLY NICE, AND REALLY SHORT (which I like, I guess, easier to read) reviews. I love you both too.

Okay. Spelling/Grammar mistakes scare the living day lights out of me. I would crawl on the floor and fall into Fettle Position and cry my ugly eyes out. I would burn this and be ashamed for the rest of my life. SERIOUSLY. But I hate REREADING. GETS UBERLY BORING. But I guess I WILL do it anyway. Don't be afraid to tell me I MADE a mistake. I would probably HATE YOU FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE FOR POINTING OUT MY IMPERFECTIONS. But that is A-OKAY!

_**Review.**_ Takes 5 seconds. Write "IT SUCKS" -Click enter.- THATS GOOD ENOUGH! or "Cute." THATS FINE TOO. Don't just freaking favorite the damn story. REVIEW IT TOO. **_Or else I'm going to stop writing._**

Sob. Sob.


	3. Her Story: My Pink Lime Light

My Story – 3

DON'T READ THIS. Ha. Made you look. Anyway, I WILL NOT give you back those 4 seconds-you-wasted-to-read-this. This should sadden you.

_(3andahalf) Topic: Take Over the World. Strategy: Have the WHOLE WORLD fall in love with my beautiful face. READY! LIGHTS! CAMERA! ACTION! Let's kick some Fat-TV-Watching-Snack-Food-Eating ASS!_

**Don't kill me please- if it is so utterly bad, then you have all the right in the world to 'X'-Out and never return. Please and thank you. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. I don't own any brand names, specific labels, etc. This is a purely fan-made story, with the exception of the use of characters which was mentioned early. I have no creativity when it comes to this disclaimer.**

_**FYI- The title changed, in case you didn't notice. It is no longer 'My Crayon.' It is now My Story. Thanks for reading.**_

Did you ever trip over air?

Did you ever drown in a bowl of soup?

Did you ever trip up going down the stairs?

If you did, you are my twin. Hello, love.

-Mmmk, Chapter 3. Mixed feelings on this one.

LETS

GET

Actually, just to let you know, this chapters going to be a bit boring.

STARTED?

Or I could be wrong.

3

Which I mostly am NOT. But whatever.

* * *

_Haruno Sakura._

_Pink Hair. Green eyes. Short. Very short. Age 8. She has a shiny forehead that can reflect a billion watts of light and blind you for life. Her high pitched voice will make you want to sew you ears shut. Her constant needs will make you regret leaving your mother's womb. She's THAT bad. _

_We've seen each other at school. Unfortunately, she's just as annoying there as she is ANYWHERE ELSE. We first interacted outside of school when we were 8. She attacked me in my own home. She refers to it as a' hug'. I called it assault. End of story._

_She's annoying._

_How do I know this?_

_I live with her._

_Why do I live with her?_

_Because the gods hate me. _

_Those old bastards wanted to see how long it will take before I snap. I have to admit, they did a pretty decent job. They have no idea how many times I felt like throwing her out a window, or suffocating her in her sleep. I dreamt of strangling her one night, and I found myself standing over her bed when I woke up. She called it 'sleep walking'. I called it 'living the dream.' Apparently, we bump heads, literally and metaphorically. But she didn't pop up in my life just to make me want to gouge my eyes out. She didn't just DECIDE to move in and make my life a living hell. _

_No._

_She has her reasons. And because this is HER story, I'll let her tell it._

_Cue the water works._

* * *

Chapter 3: Her Story: That Stupid Red Ribbon

The chapter title doesn't have the word 'pink' in it. Go figure. (But it has RED!) 

* * *

The 16-year old girl was fiddling with her hair. She kept trying to adjust a giant red bow on her head. In the process, she hit Sasuke in the face with her elbow. He pushed her arm down and she looked at him with curious eyes.

"Can you stop doing that?" he asked irritably.

_God damn it._

"Ah… Sorry! I was just…" she said, still trying to correct the bow, "it won't stay up…"

"That thing's defective and childish," he stated firmly, "Just buy another one."

Sakura was stared at him with an insulted look on her face. Sasuke just pulled the red ribbon out of her hair. He examined it in his hands.

"It's ugly."

_Excuse me?_

"My mother gave it to me," she said angrily, as she snatched it away from him.

_He doesn't understand._

She continued to glare at him while he walked away from her, stretching and stretching the distance between them.

_He doesn't._

_She's always been…"Moody" during November. Every year. It was like she was on a tight schedule. _

"_Okay, I'll cry during 7 to 10 on the 5__th__ and punch Sasuke because I feel angry for no reason on the 12__th__. And I can NOT miss my 'Super Anger Spaz Fit' on the 20__th__!" _

_If that's REALLY going on in her head, I'll… do unmentionable things to her. _

_I pitied her. Really. She wasn't herself. It's as if she's a whole other person._

_Different. _

_It made me wonder why November had to exist the way it does._

Sasuke paced, with his hands in his pockets. He stared at his feet as he walked. The pink haired girl rushed by and pushed past him. They bumped shoulders. She walked faster, trying to get home before him.

_Take a good look at my back._

_Sound Familiar?_

The raven haired boy watched as she proceeded to walk ahead of him. He snarled at her in an annoyed behavior.

_What's her problem…?_

When Sakura arrived at the empty home, she removed her shoes and marched (more like stomped…) down the hall to her bedroom. Sasuke came soon after, not caring about the girl.

_If she feels like PMSing then that's HER problem._

_The problem will blow over in the next…10 minutes. Tops._

Oh look! Sasuke jinxed it. And no, our favorite pink haired girl _wasn't_ PMSing, nor did the problem _blow over _anytime soon. She's been giving him the cold shoulder all week. And yes, it was very…very cold.

_I blame god._

They sat across from each other at the breakfast table a couple of weeks after he _insulted_ her. His mother was at the grocery, while his father was tending to some business-y business on this cold Sunday morning. She didn't _dare_ to look up at him. She KNEW he was watching her… stalker style.

"…"

"…"

Sakura took a quick glance up at him, and she found emotionless eyes staring at her. She hmph'd and looked back down at her cereal, which was oh-so-interesting.

_I think I can spell 'I hate Sasuke' with my alphabet-o's…_

He sat back and took another bite from his toast. His very crunchy toast…

_That damn crunchy-ness!_

_Crunch._

_Crunch._

_Crunch._

_Twitch._

_Crunch._

_Crunch…_

She threw her spoon at him. He tilted his head slightly, letting the spoon _zoom_ by his perfect, untouchable face.

"What's your problem?"

"Swallow your damn toast already."

Sasuke _did _swallow and then he took another bite. _Crunch…Crunch. _Sakura glared at him.

_Mocking…me…_

She got up and placed her bowl in the sink. Following putting her shoes on, she walked out the door. He heard the room grow quiet after he heard the door slam. He got up and followed, without even thinking.

"_Don't leave me," she whispered as she hopelessly clung to him, her grip tightening on his sleeve. Sasuke, with a sympathetic look, let her cling to him._

_Just this once…_

_He could feel his shirt becoming damp. __She's crying. Again._

_She was sad, yes, he can tell. But he truthfully didn't see if he could help._

_At all._

_Sakura looked up at him, tears threatening to drop even more from her emerald eyes. Her eyes, red and puffy. His shirt, moist and wet. Sasuke sighed as he looked down at her._

"_Stop crying. You look ugly."_

_She laughed at the sudden insult. Wiping her face, she saw his smirk. Just trying to make her feel better, it's not a crime._

"_Please don't leave me."_

"_I won't."_

"_Never ever?"_

"_Never…"_

_Can I really promise her that?_

_Can I tell her that everything is going to be okay?_

_Lie to her? _

_I can't be there forever._

_After her parents died…_

"_Promise?"_

_I can never say no to those crying eyes._

"_I promise."_

_She smiled with watery eyes. _

_Ah, crap._

_That's when I realized how much I meant to her._

He saw that she was further down the street. Sasuke didn't want to just run up to her. He just wanted to _watch her_. In his opinion, it was good enough.

_Haruno Sakura._

_Same Pink Hair. Same Green eyes. Not too tall, not too short. Age 16. There is only one word to describe her. _

_Fragile. _

_Ever since her parents died, she kept a fake smile plastered on her face. I hated it._

_Every November, she turns into a ball of depression and misery. A big FAT ball of melancholy._

_Every time she cried, she expected me to be there._

_Because I'm the only thing she has left. _

Sakura stood at the gate of the cemetery. She pushed the rusty doors open and entered. Sasuke followed behind her, trying to not make a sound.

She kneeled in front of her parent's tombstones. The pink haired girl removed the ribbon from her hair. And she left it on the grave.

And she left.

Sasuke gave it back to her like… tomorrow or something.

Yada yada, all is good with the world.

What is the point of this you might ask?

Sakura misses her parents. She moves in with Sasuke's family because she's still a minor. It shows his and her relationship towards each other.

YES! BORING PART DONE.

(A note from the Author, Hurraah Hurraaah….: mmm. As you can see, I can't right a serious/ dramatic story. If I do? It becomes and EPIC FAILURE. Kthxbai.)

* * *

LET'S

GET

STARTED

FOR REAL THIS TIME!

3… ½?

(I am feeling berry berry [Yes berry, as in a FRUIT, berry bad for those who read through that WHOLE THING.)

I don't care about the spelling/grammar errors on chapter 3. Don't point them out. I know this is terribly unprofessional of me.

Don't like the first part? Neither do I, Lets move on.

* * *

_We interrupt this program for no reason what-so-ever. _

_Oh wait, we actually HAVE a reason. Surprise, surprise._

_Urgent News: A pink haired girl is trying to take over the world…THROUGH TELEVISION!_

_Yes people, this IS the end of the world._

_OKAY! This is MY story. Did Sasuke tell you that? He didn't? Well, I'll kill him later. _

_RAPE THEN SLAUGHTER! _

_When I was 8, I told my mother I wanted to be an actress… before she died that is. _

_I THOUGHT THE SAD PART WAS OVER?_

_It is, and thank god too. Anyway, I finally have my dream come true. Out of nowhere, and yes, I really mean OUT OF NOWHERE, came this ad for a new channel on TV or something. Yeah stupid, I know. Anyway, this new channel was called Roselle. Once again, stupid, I KNOW. It was in need of shows to air so, HERE WE ARE! _

_WE_

_WE_

_WE_

_Me and Sasuke? YES? Yes… Oh…I mean 'Sasuke and I.' Fuck that English crap. I will become a STAR! And that is what we have come here to do! Our show already got accepted and those editor losers didn't even GLANCE AT IT. Well, you can call it a glance but it was like a billionzillion times SMALLER than a glance. I guess they must be REALLY desperate. _

_Topic: Take Over the World_

_Strategy: Have the WHOLE WORLD fall in love with my beautiful face_

_READY!_

_LIGHTS!_

_CAMERA!_

_ACTION!_

_Let's kick some Fat-TV-Watching-Snack-Food-Eating ASS!_

* * *

Chapter 3 and a freaking HALF: My Pink Lime Light!

LIMES CAN BE PINK TOO, YA KNOW!

WELCOME TO THE VARIETY HOUR!

* * *

"Hi! My name is Haruno Sakura!" she said with a bright, glowing smile, staring awkwardly at the camera.

_Trying way too HARD to smile._

She was sitting on a small pink wooden chair, in a pink room/set, full of fluffy pink pillows and stuffed animals. On the background it said, in big PINK letters I might add, "SAKURA'S WORLD," with a stupid yellow sun with a dorky smile. There was a tiny pink table (Yes, pink) in front of her. The table was centered in the middle of the room. LITTLE TEA TABLE!

"And this," she said tugging on Sasuke's sleeve, pulling him into the camera's view, "is my Loserfish, Sasuke!"

_A loser…fish? She totally made that up._

Sasuke pulled a paper bag, which he grabbed from nowhere, over face…hiding his SHAME.

_Just don't give into her childish ways…_

"Sasuke-kun, take that stupid thing off your head!" she grabbed at it.

"No," he said, trying to hold it down.

"How can you breathe? There are no holes in it…"

"I can breathe just fine, thanks."

Sakura grabbed it once again and it ripped. (/Start Sarcasm.) OH MY GOD, you totally didn't see that COMING! (/End Sarcasm.) They both stared at the _ripped brown paper bag_ that lied on the floor. _Motionless. _

_Is he breathing?_

_Is he ALRIGHT?_

_OH DEAR GOD, we killed him!_

Sakura's breathing seemed more like hyperventilating as she cried into Sasuke's chest. He stared at the piece of his broken heart on the floor, as he remembered all the good times they've had.

_Oh, those wonderful 5 minutes…and 23 seconds…but we will round it to 5 minutes anyway… _

The Uchiha tried to hold his tears back. He didn't want to seem _fragile. _

_He wasn't JUST a paper bag… _

We would like to take a few moments of silence here for . We hope, one day, he will be able to carry luncheon meat once again…

_Poor, poor soul._

Yes, PAPER BAGS CAN HAVE SOULS TOO! STOP BEING RACIST.

Few unknown-occurrences-later, they ended up at 's funeral.

"He was a good bag. He never did anything wrong," Sasuke said as he stood at the podium. Sakura was crying in the first row. Everyone else was quiet…'s relatives weren't the _talkative type. _

"He lived a long life…Until Sakura killed him," he said, pointing to her.

"WHAT? I- I!" she stuttered at the pressure of being accused, "I STATE THE FIFTH!"

"Yup! Her finger prints are on here. It was definitely her!" stated the Forensics Team.

The police walked over and took her away.

"I HAVE RIIIIGHTS!" she yelled; her voice faded as cops dragged her farther and farther away.

She was never heard from again… Sasuke laughed maniacally.

Okay, Corny, Over-Dramatic, Cop/CSI part OVER. How was it classified as Cop/CSI you MIGHT ask! It is because the cops were involved. Done? Done.

_Set change._

_New film rolling._

_Cue water works._

_Cue lightning._

_Ready in_

_3_

_2_

_1_

Sasuke walked in, closing the door behind him. He removed his coat which was soaking wet, due to the horrid weather. The Uchiha placed his business-y suitcase on the loveseat and walked into the kitchen. There he saw his wife Sakura, sitting alone, staring out the window. Waiting for him to come home?

"Sasuke-kun…" she said, coming up to him. She gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek and then looked at him with sad eyes.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Sasuke tried to keep a straight face…trying to look serious.

_But the word Sweetie…for Sakura? _

_I can taste the poison just from saying that vile word…_

"I…I have something to tell you," she said as she pulled him into a kitchen chair. The pink haired woman pulled up another chair. He held his hands in hers. Sasuke watched patiently.

_He held his hands in hers best tongue twister_

"Please don't hate me…"

"I can _never hate_ you."

_The Bull-shit alert is on the RAMPAGE._

"Umm…" she began, hands shaking in his, "I…"

"You…?"

"I slept with your father!"

"…My father's dead."

"I know…"

…

_Akward Moment #2._

"This is so stupid, cut the camera," Sasuke ordered and he got up from his seat and walked off set.

_Film cut._

_Break TIME!_

"WAIT WAIT!" Sakura ran after him, "We were doing sooooo well! Why'd you pussy out?"

"Why would someone want to sleep with my dead father?"

"There are some SICK, CRAZY, DEMENTED people out there, Sasuke," she said matter-of-factly, "You never know!"

"Do YOU know any necrophiliacs?" he asked, looking at the snack table, which was filled with fatness and sugar.

"A Neca-what?"

"Exactly."

"…?"

"Anyway," he said looking at the group of editors and camera men chatting, "commercial's starting."

"Oh really?"

Sasuke grabbed her wrist while having a cup of coffee in his other hand.

"Let's go make out somewhere," he said pulling her arm.

"Mmmk," she replied, quickly grabbing a donut with frosting.

_Mmm, frosting._

And yeah, he was kidding, people!

Super Dramatic, stupid, idiotic, soap opera, everyone-sleeps-with-everyone part is DONE.

Here comes the Commercial Break!

_BRITNEY!_

_SPEARS!_

"Pepsi! For those who think young!" she sang, dancing in a well…dancing outfit? Out of Nowhere, came Britney's judge. (The one who took her visitation rights.) With a shotgun, he got her.

Can anyone say HEAD SHOT!

"Aww, you're sooo mean!" she said.

She died.

End of story.

For those of you who like Britney Spears, I'm sorry it had to end this way…

That Pepsi commercial is SO OLD.

_What the fuck? Only ONE commercial? Yes, only one. Learn to count. It will definitely help later in life._

_Okay. Back from commercial._

_In _

_3_

_2_

_1_

There was a close up on Sakura's face. As the camera zoomed out, you can see she was…tied up? Yes, Haruno Sakura is NOW a hostage. Sasuke was sitting on a small blue wooden chair (that was once pink…) that was in front of the BLUE tiny coffee table (No, not the TEA table.)... The set was now BLUE. Words on the background said "Sasuke's Hellhole."

How cute.

No pink was on the set, other than Sakura, duh. All blue, all black, all Sasuke. No Sakura-ness ANYWHERE.

_THIS IS THE TAKE OVER OF UCHIHA SASUKE!_

Sasuke was sitting at the coffee table and ignoring the flailing girl behind him.

"Sasuke-kunnnnnnn," she whined, "Can you let me go noooow?"

"No."

"I have to peeeee."

"Then pee."

"Nyyyaaa…!"

Sasuke got up and put his face in the camera and said, "Change the channel. This show is unoriginal."

"NO! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! WE NEED THE VIEWERS!"

"Tch."

"Read the TelePrompTer!"

"We have one of those?"

"Yeah," Sakura said, "It's like, next to the camera."

_How the fuck did I not notice that…_

"Hn."

"By the way, you just totally messed up the lines…"

"Like I care."

"Oh my GOD," she yelled at her director, "Can I just fire this asshole!"

"If you fire me, I'm kicking you out of my house."

_Don't pass go. Don't collect 200. Go straight to the streets to become a hobo. Thanks for playing._

"…"

"Heh."

"HOLY CRAP! I'M COO COO FOR COCO PUFFS?"

"What the fuck?"

_Oh sweet lord._

Stupid-Boring-Not-Interesting-Random-Blah-Blah-Take-Over Scene IS NOW OVER.

_Set change._

_Character change._

_Cue School bells._

The pink haired schoolgirl was sitting, writing, taking notes. And did I mention admiring that sexy piece of eye candy sitting next to her?

_Mmm…Uchiha Sasuke._

She played with the hem of her school-uniform-y skirt while blushing at him. Of course, that block head didn't notice. He was too busy staring outside of the god damn window.

_What does that window have that I DON'T?_

Jealous of a window? Pathetic. He looked at her and she was just…drooling. Sasuke snapped his fingers in front of her face. And she was taken back.

"Oh…Hi?"

He just ignored her and stared back out the window. Pssssh, he could've said something. Actually, expecting a response from -too-cool-to-even-talk is a JOKE.

I would love to see him make love to that window…

_I feel the jealousy. I can taste it. _

Sakura stood up from her chair, pointed at him, and yelled,

"NOTICE ME!"

The terrible-over-used-school-genre is now over. Short, I know.

"Well, well, well!" Sakura said, sitting in the PINK SET ONCE AGAIN, "This wraps up the show…"

"…"

"Is there anything you want to say to the audience at home Sasuke?"

"…"

Sasuke sat there with another paper brown bag on his head.

"Leave me and my bag alone."

"Yikes, _someone _is on severe PMS."

"He's the only one that gets me…"

"Umm… OKAY, since Sasuke is having a moment…just fade out I guess."

"WE WERE MEANT TO BE!"

The picture faded out.

Credits began.

LET'S WRAP THIS UP.

Because this is so unbelievably boring.

_In the end, SAKURA'S WORLD : THE VARIETY HOUR, just made one episode. I KNOW, IT'S TERRIBLY TRAGIC! The editor said we broke every rule and regulation regarding the terms of this and that… That one show AIRED, thank god too. It brings happiness to my heart. _

_Sigh._

_Oh, and I didn't take over the world. Crap editor. I wish I DID, AND THIS WORLD CAN BECOME A DICTATORSHIP! But alas, my dreams are unrealized. _

_By the way, Sasuke and that paper bag had kids. Yup. (After the show, he went to the grocery to buy more paper bags…) They named the first girl after me. But…Sasuke soon stabbed her. (And I think I know why.) Jerk. _

_I'll just shove all them into the trash when he sleeps._

_Sasuke is just going through a phase anyway. Since he can't get ANY from a REAL person…_

_Anyway! This is it… Um, Good night._

_Sasuke was a proud mother who gave birth. I have photo-shopped pictures to prove it._

_Muahaha._

_Never_

_Live_

_This_

_DOWN!_

_Are you proud of me, mommy?_

* * *

_**The end of Chapter 234327842, whatever the fuck chapter this is.**_

_**Mmm…yeah.**_

I hated this chapter. I hate this chapter more than ALL THE REST. (Out of the 3… and a half.) That pepsi commercial is from like '99. Uh, this one was so BAD. God. I'm starting to think my writing style is changing. I've been putting this chapter off. Cuz…I didn't feel like writing it.

_**THIS IS FOR MY SUPER SEXY REVIEWERS:**_

_I like to watch you at night._

**yumi hasegawa:** Hell yeah. Let's totally get married. Las Vegas please?

**SiLLyKiTTyx3: **Thank you for reviewing! Where would I be without you? Honestly…

Schizophrenia is a disease or a disorder or something like that, which is when you talk to yourself. (Crazy…) Yeah. **  
KoolKittykAT256: **The next chapter is on Christmas. I just totally gave that away.

**Strings of a Puppet: **I like to giggle too. Sasuke is the sexiest thing ALIVE, (in my book anyway.) You have a long, kickass, review. I love you for it.

**WoAiKyoItsumo: **Jesus Christ, I love the way you write, lol. And yes, telephones and balloons are sooperly doooperly.

**Laura-chan: **Do I have improper Italian? Lol, If I do just let me know… :D

**Werepyress-Nadness**, **the tomato: **Thank you for you're short and lovely reviews.

Mmk, Spelling errors? Please tell me. Grammar? Tell me too. Acutally, I don't give a shit about grammar. Don't tell me those.

Oh oh. I have to give major credit to my SPELL CHECK. I love you so dearly and nearly to my tiny, microscopic heart.

Which barely exists.

Anyway.

_**REVIEW LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDED ON IT. **_

_**BECAUSE IT MAY NOT MATTER TO YOU! BUT IT MATTERS A LOT TO ME.**_

_**Gimme Ideas too…**_

Next Chapter Is on XMAS.


	4. My Not So Pink Mistletoe

My Story – 4

Beg for more. This is Chapter four. Or you don't have to…If you don't want to.

Wow! 19 reviews! That's 19 more than I though I would get. Thank you.

_[Ch4 Sasuke's mother walked through the door finding the following. Her husband being butt raped by a broom. Her son whamming a broom at her husband. Sakura helping Sasuke with illegal acts of "Adult Abuse". Yeah yeah, merry Christmas. [SasuSaku [CrackFic _

Questions from Chapter 3? I answered them down at the bottom. (Check reviewer's bottom thing.)

**Don't kill me please- if it is so utterly bad, then you have all the right in the world to 'X'-Out and never return. Please and thank you. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters. I don't own any brand names, specific labels, etc. This is a purely fan-made story, with the exception of the use of characters which was mentioned earlier. I have no creativity when it comes to this disclaimer.**

**READ ALL THE SHIT ON THE TOP TOO PLEASE. WHY? BECAUSE I'M ASKING NICELY. (Somewhat nicely.)**

* * *

_He makes one hell of a waffle…_

"Sasuke-kuuun," she chimed as she walked through the door.

_More like BURSTING through. _

"Mmm," he murmured, paying attention to his homework.

"Let's make waffles!"

"…No."

"Fine. No sex for you."

Sasuke looked at her with sad, endless, eyes. He had that '_no-sex?'_frown.

_Aww, no sex?_

With a 'hmph!' she stomped out the door.

_Bye sex._

* * *

_Halloween is saved.__Uchiha Sasuke is a hero!_

Sasuke swooped down and picked up the pink-haired maiden in his arms.

_Gasp!_

"It's SUPER SASUKE!" she squealed. Her luscious green eyes shimmered.

He gently placed her on top of the roof which belonged to the tallest building in the city. The superhero hovered hundreds of feet over the pavement. Then he ripped his shirt open, revealing a big orange S.

"That's RIGHT! I AM," he said, striking a pose, "SUPER SASUKE!"

Sakura giggled.

Sasuke sighed.

_What I do to please her…_

* * *

"God! Last chapter SUCKED," Sakura complained as she stomped off set, "My show was a compete DISASTER. I didn't even take over the fricking world! GOD, I want a BIGGER TRAILER!" She slammed the door to her 'trailer'.

"Sakura," Sasuke said, "that's an outhouse."

"What the fuck is it DOING INSIDE?"

The editor leaned over to Sasuke, wanting to hear an answer for the pink-haired girl's behavior.

"Don't worry," he told the editor, who was surrounded by the other writers of the show, also WANTING to hear an answer, "she's just on her period."

A group 'ahhh…' could be heard.

* * *

By the By, that random stuff up dar(there), are just inside jokes from chapter 1-3.

Anyway, for those who don't celebrate Christmas, doesn't mean YOU can't enjoy the story too. There is no such thing as a racist story. But there are RACIST people.

Yeah well, For those of you who were waiting for this chapter. I APOLOGIZE. I was very lazy this Christmas. Very very lazy. Super duper shame on me.

Yada yada,

Let's

Get

Started?

IT'S CHRISTMAS!

* * *

_For those of you who don't celebrate Christmas, here's the lowdown. You better pay attention because there will be a quiz later on. Oh, you lucky fellows._

_Christmas is all about the Presents. Did you hear me? I said PRESENTS, people. PRESENTS._

_And when there is Christmas, there is a To-Do list right around the corner. And no, it's not a list where you get to 'do' people. That sentence was dedicated to all the perverts out there. Ahem, Kakashi-sensei. AHEM. _

_Well my To-Do list consisted of :_

_A- Working_

_B- Buy Presents_

_C- Set up Christmas tree_

_D- Put up lights_

_E- Set up Christmas Eve Party_

_F- Party all night long_

_G -And (Hopefully) not wake up next to a complete stranger the next morning._

_Mmm…That's basically it. Well, for NOW anyway._

_When I was 9, I spent my FIRST Christmas with the Uchihas. When I was 8, I didn't celebrate the jolly holiday at all. I was still moving into the Uchiha estate during the Christmas season. Well, little did I KNOW, my first Christmas would be the first time I got to use a broom, too. You'll soon understand._

_Sakura was sitting on Santa's lap, (who was really Sasuke's father). The little girl trembled as he 'Ho-ho-ho'd in her ear. _

"_So little girl," he said, "What would YOU like for Christmas?"_

"_Nyuu…" her little green eyes began to tear up. _

"_Oh, don't cry," he reassured," Ho ho ho?" The "Santa Claus" bounced her up and down on his lap. _

"_HEY!"_

_Everyone! Hurry, look to your left!_

_It's SASUKE! With a broom in his hand…LYK OH MA GAWD, ITZ SUPA BROOM!_

"_Get away from her you CHILD MOLESTER!" Sasuke held up his super-broom-of-death in the air._

_CHARGE!_

_BAM_

_BAM_

_SMASH_

_This is the REAL Spartaaaaa!_

_OH_

_YEAH!_

_THAT'S THE SHIT._

_BAM_

_BAM_

_The attack on Santa! _

"_God damnit, I told you to stop coming HERE," he growled as he smashed the Santa that was curled in the feedle position on the floor, "You're the damn reason why the chimney gets all clogged up." _

"_This is what you get for giving me CRAP every fricking Christmas!"_

"_GO SASUKE-KUN GO!" Sakura cheered as Sasuke pounded the poop out of his father. Then she joined in. SUPER KICKS OF TORTUREY TORTURE! _

_Is this Adult Abuse?_

_A) Yes_

_B) What's Abuse?_

_C) What's an Adult?_

_D) Yes_

_The Answer is E) Other! Because there is no such thing as adult abuse._

_Sasuke's mother walked through the door finding the following:_

_-Her husband being butt raped by a broom_

_-Her son whamming a broom at her husband_

_-Sakura helping Sasuke with Illegal acts of "Adult Abuse"_

_Her face screamed 'LYKDUBYATEAEFF?'_

_She dropped the groceries she bought onto the floor and went to help the cause._

_KICK SANTA! _

_Why hello, Christmas! Nice of you to stop by._

_Yes, it's been a while hasn't it?_

_12 months to be exact!_

_A little pink haired girl waited at the center of the mall. She had her red dress, red shoes, and red silky ribbon that caressed her hair. She looked at the fake Santa that sat in the big, velvety chair. She was next in line to take a photo with him. She was now 10 years old._

"_Why hello!" he said jolly-y… _

_He leaned in to pick her up. She pulled a broom out-of-nowhere and started whacking him._

_TRADITION NEVER DIES!_

_Amen._

* * *

Chapter 4: My Not-So-Pink Mistletoe

It wasn't so pink because it was Red and Green. Ch-yeah…

A- Working

_It's really hot in here. _

Sasuke pulled the collar of his shirt. He sat in the middle of the mall in a giant velvet chair. He made a deep sigh. The poor lad was wearing a big, furry red outfit and a hat in a HEATED place. Yes, that's right folks, Uchiha Sasuke is Santa Claus.

_Only on Wednesday-Fridays from 4-8pm._

Oh dear! Sasuke has a job? As Santa?

Yes, that's right!

_Oh no! It's a flashback._

_Sasuke stood in his father's office with his extended hand, directed to his father, palms up. His father looked up at him for a second and went back to his newspaper._

"_What do you need, Sasuke?"_

"_Money."_

"_What for?"_

"_Presents."_

"_Get a job."_

_No argument._

_You have just witnessed a loving Father-Son relationship._

_Like hell we did._

Sasuke rested his cheek on his palm. He watched Sakura talk to the other little kids on line who wanted pictures with Santa. She picked up a little brunette girl and placed her on Santa's lap. The pink haired helper was dressed as an elf.

_A very SLUTTY elf._

"Be nice, Mr. Claus!" she winked delightfully.

He just growled at her.

"So, little girl…" he said with no emotion. Sakura was making hand gestures towards him which got his attention. She mouthed, '_smile!'._He mouthed, '_Fuck you.'_ He was ALREADY in a bad mood.

_One more hour of this, and I'm out of here…_

"Why do you have black hair, Mr. Claus?" the child asked, curious eyes shining.

"Because I was born this way. Deal with it."

"Why does that lady have pink hair?"

"Because she's deformed."

"Oh!" she said with a smile. "Mr. Claus, I want a pony!"

_Doesn't everyone…?_

"Great. I'll get you socks for Christmas."

_How cruel and unusual._

"But I want a pony!"

"And I want bodily harm you with a broom."

"Huh?"

The camera flashed before Sakura rushed over and took the girl away. She hit Sasuke on the head and his hat fell off.

"Don't worry. I'LL get you a pony," Sakura whispered to the sweet little girl.

"Okay!" The little girl ran off to her mother. Her mother was not even interested in the Christmas Spirits. She was just yap-yap-yapping on her cell phone. After grabbing the dumb photo that she will probably end up burning, they walked off into the sunset.

_Aww._

As Sasuke watched the girl run off, he pulled Sakura down to whisper in her ear.

"We are NEVER having kids."

"That's crazy talk. Besides, who are you to decide whether or not we get_married_ or ever have _kids_?"

"I am _Santa Claus._"

_Very funny._

B- Buy Presents

_Hey! We're actually getting somewhere._

They were seated at the food court.

"Mmm, Sasuke-kun, what do you want for Christmas?"

Did you notice that line is used over and over and over again? There is a perfectly wonderful explanation for that. It's because are Christmas time, the only thing everyone asks you is

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?"

And when THIS happens, you pull out a gun and shoot them in the head. But it's only legal in New York. And some parts of New Jersey. And maybe Russia. Hopefully, Australia joins in with the fun.

"Surprise me."

"Oh, well, that's easy."

"If it's _that_ easy, then tell me," Sasuke started, splitting his chopsticks in half, "what are you getting me?"

"If I told you what I was getting you, then it wouldn't be a surprise, bozo."

"Okay, I have a list of people we need to buy presents for," Sakura pulled out said list from her back pocket. "Don't worry, it's not that long."

Sasuke saw the piece of paper unroll and reach the floor. His eye uncontrollably twitched. The raven-haired boy pulled her wrist along as she scanned the roll in her hand.

"Let's get this over with…"

Sakura caught her guy friend peeping into a lingerie store. Of course, she made a face.

"Let's go in," he said, more like demanded. She whimpered and struggled like a wild animal, trying not to go in.

_Shouldn't it be the other way around?_

As she was pulled into the world of half-nakedness and lace-y seduction, Sakura felt very… _self-conscience._

_Damn it! Only skinny whores go in here! And I'M NOT ONE OF THEM._

"Why do you _even wanna_ go in here?" Sakura protested.

"I need to get you something, don't I?" He purred matter-of-factly.

"Eh? I don't want _anything_ in here!" pulling away and walking towards the exit, her back turned to him, "when am I going to use something in _here_, assuming you ARE buying me something in this god-forsaken place?"

"When you entertain me…" From the tone of his voice, he sounded somewhat serious. Sasuke was looking through racks of very short, skimpy, outfits. The man-of-very-few-words-and-smartass-comebacks pulled out a pink, see-through number that had pink furry over the bust area. He held it in front of Sakura, who was magically still_here,_ to see if it would fit her. She smacked it away from her.

"What are you TALKING about? I'm not your whore!" She had her hands on her hips and tapped her foot impatiently. Sasuke mumbled something that sounded like 'that won't fit her…' as he replaced it back on the rack.

"And either way-"

_Oh my god, she's still talking…?_

"even IF you buy it, it's not like I'm going to wear it."

"Then I'll _make_ you wear it." He directed a hard, cold stare into her general direction. A shiver can be felt down her spine.

_Those eyes are screaming 'RAPE'._

_Finally out of there…_

"Oh god, I still have a WHOLE LIST to shop for and it's already 8:30…"

"Listen," Sasuke said, Sakura did just that. He pulled her close and was ready to whisper in her ear. The romantic atmosphere rushed right in and filled the moment. The anticipation was killing her.

_Really, it was._

Sasuke was opening his mouth to say something. Sakura make a quiet gasp…

_Yes? Yes? Say something Damn YOU!_

"I really don't care."

…

"You are NO help, Uchiha Sasuke!"

C- Setting Up the Christmas tree

Carrying tons of plastic bags from the mall, Sakura limped to her room to just toss them onto the floor. Sasuke had some of her bags too, thus following her down the hall. The two shoppers passed by Sasuke's parents as they were seated in the living room. Sakura, when she got to her room, plopped down onto her bed after feeling the load release from her arms.

"Sasuke-kun, you didn't even get me anything."

"I was planning on not getting _anything_ for you," he said, lying down next to her; smirking.

"What? I, most of all, deserve a gift! You better get me something!"

"You demand a gift?"

"Chyeah! Course."

"Then I'm not getting you anything _for sure._"

"Whyyyy? OKAY FINE, I'LL JUST RETURN THE GIFT I GOT YOU."

"Like I care? I have work early tomorrow, so I'll just buy myself something while I'm there."

_Pssh._

"Anyhow, we still have to set up the Christmas tree, yeah know…"

"Hn."

"It's on our To-Do List…"

"Mm."

"You wanna get up first?"

Sasuke shook his head as he turned to her, "tired." The dark-haired Uchiha leaned his head on her shoulder. Sakura pulled away awkwardly, but alas, Sasuke grabbed her back into bed with him as he held her close. After a few minutes of just lying there uneasily, she pulled the blanket over them both. With the sleeping form unmoved, the girl tried her best not to wake him… Or his inner beast will appear before her. Sakura lifted Sasuke's head to place a pillow under. She finally rested her head on her own pillow, soon drifting to sleep.

_I guess we'll set up the tree tomorrow._

C- Again…

Sakura woke up noticing she was by herself. Rubbing her face in her hands, she stood up, watching her step. Of course, she tried not to step on the presents. She made her way into the empty kitchen, which didn't stay empty for long.

"Ohayo Sakura-chan," Mikoto puffed out as she carried luggage in her hands. The dark haired woman dropped the bags on the floor and wiped the sweat on her forehead. Sakura greeted her back and sipped her tea in which she prepared.

"Leaving already?" Sakura questioned. Sasuke's parents were talking about getting up and going on a Holiday Trip, which never really happened until now.

"Mhm. Our reservations are going to be canceled tonight if we don't make it to the hotel in time. I, being the smart female, wanted to leave_yesterday_ but SOMEONE didn't feel like getting up," Sasuke's mother whined.

"If you wanted to go that badly, then I suggested that you should've taken the car," walked in Uchiha Fugaku, Sasuke's father, who was also carrying their luggage for their Christmas Trip.

"Oh poop, you would never trust me with the car anyway."

"You're a horrible driver," he said; bringing the baggage to the car out front. Mikoto just sighed and made a cup of green tea for herself. She sat in front of Sakura.

"Gosh, Uchiha men, ya know…" sighed Mikoto, with a smile.

"I know right? They're unbearable." Sakura played along.

_Actually, all men are._

"I heard that," retorted Fugaku as he got Mikoto's luggage that she left on the floor to bring to the car.

"Speaking of Uchiha _men_, where's Sasuke-kun?" asked his mother.

"He's working early," Sakura answered, sipping more tea. She took a look at the clock with read 7:41 in the morning.

"Mmm," Mikoto pondered, "That's odd."

"What is?"

_Don't tell me you're talking about me…_

"I thought Sasuke doesn't work Saturdays," she replied, getting up and placing her cup in the sink.

Sakura's mouth hung down and reached to floor.

_What the fuck? That LITTLE LIAR._

Well, Sakura should _know_ they don't work Saturdays anyway. She has the same shifts as Sasuke does. DUH DUH DUH!#!#$?

"Be good, Sakura-chan" Mikoto said her farewells before closing the front door behind her.

_He's probably just…Christmas Shopping._

Sakura was left standing alone in the living room, staring at the closed door.

"UGH, IT'S NOT FAIR!" she yelled. Now she had to set up the Christmas tree and decorations by herself. All by her lonesome. All alone. On her own. Without help. Yeah.

_They're all against me._

D- Getting the lights up!

By noon, Sasuke got home. Sakura glared at him as he stood at the doorway of the living room. She had a box of lights in her hands and a bunch of Band-Aids all over her.

"Do you know how many bulbs I've broke today?" she said, teeth clenched, venom dripping from every word. She said it with a small chuckle, like a crazy, psychotic, pink-haired... _yeah._

_What does that have to do with me? _Sasuke thought as he sighed, once again, listening to her ranting.

"Do you know how many times I've fallen off that fricking ladder TRYING to put up a fricking star up on the fricking TREE?"

_Enough times to explain why your hair is pink?_

"Oh my god, do you know how many times the tree was threatening to FALL ON ME? AND SUFFICATE ME TO DEATH? NO. YOU DON'T! AND WHY IS THAT? BECAUSE YOU WEREN'T HOME!"

Sasuke could swear he can see her breathing fire.

"Sorry, honey. I was busy today," Sasuke simply said, walking past her. "The office needed me to work late."

_Yes, he's being sarcastic._

"WHAT KIND OF EXCUSE IS THAT?"

Sasuke placed his Christmas shopping gifts in his room and took the lights outside to get started.

Sakura was still inside decorating the tree with little red star ornaments. She hung garland around the door and a wreath hanging from the middle of it. Small Christmas candles were placed on tables along with miniature angels.

After getting all that crap set up, Sakura pulled on a jacket and walked outside to see how Sasuke was doing. She gawked at all the light fixtures that he accomplished putting up.

_He's totally on SPEED!_

"Wow," Sakura said; watching him on a ladder, hanging lights. Sasuke climbed down to take a look from far away. He plugged it to the power source and Sakura's eyes lit up as she saw all the lights glow at once. Her head tilted to the side as she stared.

Sasuke saw a minor problem with one of the lights that said "Merry Christmas". The 'M' in Christmas didn't feel like lighting up and decided to take a vacation. That lazy bastard. I bet M was fucking N so hard that O and P could feel the bed rocking from that upstairs apartment. So they made a little Baby in which they called M&M. That is the birth of the little chocolate candy we all know and love. Or not. The busted light was pretty much useless. So instead, it said "Merry Christ as."

"Um, shouldn't you fix that?" Sakura tugged on his sleeve and pointed out the broken light.

"No," Sasuke replied as he got organized and headed inside, "you can if you want."

Sitting on the living room couch, the two were drinking some hot chocolate Sakura whipped up.

"But what if Santa gets the wrong idea?" Sakura worried as she watched the burning liquid swish against the walls of her mug.

"Does it really matter?" Sasuke rolled his eyes and held his drink in his hands.

"But what if he reads it and he thinks it says "Merry Christ Ass?"

"That fatty should be able to decipher whether or not Christmas has two S's."

"But what if he doesn't? And then he thinks were bad children and that we don't deserve presents! SASUKE-KUN, THAT WOULD RUIN MY CHRISTMAS!"

"Santa doesn't care if we are bad or good. He's just as bad as all the other little boys and girls."

"NO! Santa Claus is a SAINT!"

"He bangs his elves 363 days a year and spends the other two getting fat on cookies and raping little children while they sleep."

_A light bulb flashed inside of Sakura's head._

"Oh oh, and don't forget how he makes out with everyone's moms!" she added on.

_I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Because my mom is earning minimum wage and dad likes to touch her while she sleeps. And Santa is a manwhore who likes to impregnate all the women of the woooorld. Oh! I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus LAST NIIIIGHT!_

"Mhmm."

"God. I wonder how Mrs. Claus feels…"

"Don't worry about her; she gets to sleep with all the reindeer."

"EVEN RUDOLPH?"

"Yes, even Rudolph."

_Lucky._

E - Set up for the ASSKICKING PARTY!

"Well, we still have E, G, and F to do on our list," Sakura reminded as she mixed a cookie batter to place in a cooking sheet. Sasuke nodded as he prepared a fruit salad by chopping different types into little cubes. There little Christmas Eve shindig was tomorrow night. After placing the cookies into the oven, she started stirring some soup she was cooking up.

Sasuke pulled out the cookies out of the oven after they were done. He took some red, soft icing to decorate them.

"Sasuke-kun, don't draw tomatoes on the cookies…"

_God Damn it._

He walks into the dining room to put out plates and utensils instead. He covered the table with a red cloth. Meanwhile, Sakura got the buffet table ready which was also in the dining room.

"Put the spoons on the table, Sasuke-kun," Sakura directed, her attention diverted to the food she was still preparing.

"Hm? You want to spoon under the table?" Sasuke smirked.

"What? No! Just-"

"You want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?"

"I don't want to be a fucking spoon!"

"_You naughty little girl_…"

"YOU'RE the one being _naughty_!"

"I'm thinking of being the big spoon…"

"What's with you and spoons?"

"Fine. Sakura, let's just _fork_."

"Watch me shove a fork up your-"

In the end, Sakura took all the spoons away from Sasuke. And he cried under the table.

_Kidding._

_Well, let's move onto F!_

Time to F! - Party all Night Long!

The room was stuffed with everyone's favorite little ninj- I mean…High school juniors, or whatever life forms they may be. Sasuke was in the left corner of the room, playing some poker. Sakura was on the other side of the room, trying to keep order in the god forsaken house.

"Damn it, Chouji, get off the table! Kiba, take Akamaru outside! DON'T LET HIM PEE ON THE CARPET. AND GOD INO, PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!"

_Ugh!_

"The game is poker. Lowest wager is 10, highest being 200. I'm dealing," the Uchiha declared as he shuffled the deck of cards in his hand. Naruto slammed his hand against the table.

"Why do you get to deal?" the blonde protested, pointing a stern finger at his face.

"It's my house. Don't like it? Get out."

_Well, no argument there._

Naruto just folded his arms across his chest and slumped into his seat. Sasuke passed out the cards and looked around the table of MEN.

**M**entally.

**E**xcused.

**N**injas.

Neji was seated next to Sasuke, with Naruto beside him and Kakashi who was next to the blonde. And god knows why they're sex ed. teacher, Kakashi, was even there.

_Ding Dong._

"_Yo."_

"_Kakashi- sensei?" questioned Sasuke as he arrived at entryway. The music was loud and the room was flashing with lights. The cold night seemed to drown it all out._

"_Am I allowed in?" the teacher asked as he peeked his head in._

"_You're not invited," he answered__while he closed the door and walked away._

"_I have beer." _

_Sasuke went back and reopened the door. He smirked and patted Kakashi on the back._

"_Merry Christmas, Kakashi-sensei."_

_He let the old guy in._

"Place bets."

"YEAH, I'M GONNA WIN!" Naruto declared as he threw his bet on the table.

_A dime. _

"The lowest is 10 dollars Naruto, not 10 cents," said Neji as he looked over his card again.

"Well the _dealer_ never SAID THAT," cried Naruto while he retook his dime back. "That's why _I_ SHOULD BE DEALER!"

The dealer just ignored and placed his bet on the table. Sakura was slugged over to Sasuke and sat on his lap. She pouted at him.

"What, Sakura?" he asked, still keeping his eyes on the game.

"No one's listening to m-"

"Hm…"

"The house is a mess and I-"

"Uh huh and?"

"God DAMNIT LISTEN TO-"

"Hey look," Kakashi-sensei leaned over the table, "a mistletoe."

"WHERE?" The two yelled in unison as they jumped out of their seats, astonished. The silver haired man pulled out a little mistletoe from his pocket and dangled it onto of Sasuke and Sakura. Eyes widened as they looked at each other.

"Ah! GET IT AWAY!" Sakura yelled as she backed away. Sasuke moved farther away from the table and dropped his cards on the floor. Apparently they both had Mistletoe-phobia-itis.

_NO KISSING!_

_Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day…we had to make out under the mistletoe. _

_It was late last Christmas Eve, when they were both 15. The room grew empty as guests were leaving. Sasuke was about to give Sakura her Christmas present. The pink haired girl was cleaning up all the paper plates left around the room._

"_Sakura."_

_She turned around and saw Sasuke holding out a little wrapped box with a shiny bow on top. She smiled an ear-to-ear wide grin at him._

"_Aww, it's so cute!" _

_They turned to the crowd of people who were about to walk out the door. They were making "oooooo-oooooooh!" sounds toward to couple. Sakura, being very slow, was wondering what they were coo-ing on about. The emotionless boy standing in front of her directed her to look up._

_And she did just that._

_Oh. No._

_Oh god. No._

_A Mistletoe._

"_Should we just STARE at it?" she asked, slowly and unsure._

_It didn't really matter. _

_Because they did just that. _

_Until they heard a small chant from the crowd. _

"_Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" _

_They both swallowed and looked at each other._

"_Kiss!"_

"_Kiss!"_

"_Kiss!"_

_And they did just that._

_How embarrassing._

_What number is that? Embarrassing moment number ?_

"THERE WILL BE NO REPEATS FROM LAST YEAR! NU UH! NO DEJA VU HERE."

They decided that Sasuke would stay on one side of the room and Sakura would stay on the other. She just sat on the couch which was on the far right. Sasuke was sitting at the poker table which, as said before, was at the far left corner. They made sure it stayed that way…all night long.

Since she was stuck on the right side of the room, Sakura just started chatting with any ol' sh-moe, yes a sh-moe, who happened to be close by. And at the moment, that sh-moe happened to be Shino.

"So…" Sakura started off, awkwardly. He turned around in his seat and looked at her. He didn't even say a word. Let's just say they weren't the best of friends…

"Um…I heard you like bugs…?"

"Mmmm…"

"So, I got you a bug net…for Christmas."

"I already have 7."

"Oh, is that so?"

"I named one Stella."

"…?"

"…"

"…Stella's a pretty name."

"Guys, I'm not drunk! I'm telling you," Naruto babbled on, "I _AM_ a NINJA!"

"Idiot, you're not a Ninja," disagreed Sasuke, as he raised the bet.

"Teme, I AM! I can walk up trees and…AND! I can like… fight big fat people without getting a scratch!"

"Naruto, you're talking crazy," Neji said as he placed his cards faced up on the table.

"Hey, hey, Hyuuga! I have these super ninja powers were I have this fox thing inside of me and…uh, YOU! YOU HAD LIKE…these magical powers were you could see through stuff, right? And you we're able to see through clothes and you saw BOOBS. It was like fucking AWESOME. And Sasuke turned into a girl! With like purple hair and lipstick, and he was all Emoooo and depressed."

"Naruto, do you know what drugs are?" asked Kakashi, who was wondering if the blonde was on them right now.

"YEAH! It's like those yellow things with the smiley faces on them. And when you smoke it, its like…**BAM**, you're in heaven."

The other three looked at each other.

"…Yeah, that's totally it."

Naruto cried as he carried his gifts out the door. He was the last one to leave.

"I lost all my money playing poker!"

"Too bad," Sasuke said as he slammed the door. He then put his hands in his pockets, feeling the edges of all the paper bills inside.

_Sweet Mullah. _

Sakura threw herself onto the couch and sighed. Her counterpart soon joined her.

"Man, I'm pooped," the pink-haired girl said as she pushed her head deeper into the soft couch.

"You pooped?" Sasuke asked jokingly.

"Shut up…"

He found her reaction slightly amusing and showed it with a smirk on his face.

"So," Sakura started off, "What'd you get me for Christmas?"

"You first."

She made a face and then just said "Fine."

"Close your eyes!" And he did just that. A few moments of blackness and excitement, Sasuke was directed to reopen those dark orbs.

In front of him was Sakura, hold a piece of paper.

"What…is it?"

"It's a coupon, stupid!"

"What? You couldn't afford a _real_gift?" Sasuke questioned, as he took it and examined it.

"Don't be silly, read the darn thing first."

Oh god, how he really DIDN'T WANT to see it. The text was poorly written with a pink crayon and it had a crappy picture of a pink flower on it. But to his dis-pleasure-ment, he read it.

"_To Sasuke-Wasuke-Kun…_" he glared at her as he began reading it out loud. She turned in her seat to face him and just smiled widely while pushed him to go on.

"_This coupon thing is a Christmas present from me to you. _Oh, I really? I didn't know that." He said sarcastically.

"Damn it, Sasuke, just read it!"

"Don't rush me, ,_It allows you to make me shut up for a whole 20 minutes! Isn't that great? That means a complete 20 MINUTES that I won't be TALKING, or SCREAMING, or YELLING, or TALKING or even going in a 5-feet radius of you, FOR A FRICKING 20 MINUTES! Trust me, Sasuke-Dasuke-Masuke-Kun…_ Wow. _You'll totally need this! From Sakura_…"

"And look, I'm giving you 5 of these, so you can use them WHENEVER YOU WANT, and when I mean whenever, I really mean WHENEVER," she explained while she handed him 4 more coupons.

"Interesting."

Sasuke's mind raced as he thought of situations where Sakura SHOULDN'T/WOULDN'T be talking.

_Oh yes, the possibilities. _

"Well? Do you LIKE IT?" Sakura grinned,

"I guess." He shoved them into his pockets and Sakura did a small celebratory dance in her seat.

"Okay okay! What's MY present?"

"Close your eyes."

She did what she was told and felt the couch lighten, knowing he left the couch. Her thoughs scrambled, thinking what he was doing. His voice broke her train-of-though soon afterwards.

"Open your eyes."

She gasped.

_A mistletoe._

G-Don't wake up next to a complete Stranger

She felt her heart racing. Very beat seemed to get louder, and louder. Sakura wondered if he could hear her heartbeat from where he was sitting. On the other hand, the Uchiha avoided her stare. He took her hand and raised the mistletoe above their heads.

It was hard for him to swallow when his mouth felt like cotton.

Her breathing became rapid as their faces grew close.

_Less than an inch away._

Tradition never dies.

Right?

Then he kissed her_. His soft lips against hers_. And, naturally, she kissed him back. She tried to break away from their lip-lock. But no, The Great Uchiha Sasuke didn't want just ONE kiss, he wanted another. He ran his fingers threw her hair and kept their soft lips touching.

After holding their breathes for quite a while, they pulled away. Sasuke stared at the blushing girl in front of him who was gasping for sweet, sweet air. He leaned in for another kiss, but Sakura put her hand up, stopping him in the process.

"N-No… I c-can't breathe."

"Aa…"

The Uchiha boy lied in bed, watching the television. Sakura "popped a squat" right next to him. She leaned her head against his shoulders and he wrapped his arm over hers.

"Sakura."

"Yup?"

"Did you like your present?"

For a second, a response wasn't heard.

"It's the best present I've ever had."

She looked up at him and saw a smirk grace his features.

"You must've had some pretty crappy presents…"

The pink-haired girl shoved him and laughed as he nearly fell off the bed. He grabbed her by the wrists and pinned her down. The noise around them died down and the romantic moment set in. He took advantage of that said moment and placed his lips on hers.

_Sasuke-kun, Merry Christmas._

* * *

PLEASE REVIEW!

**The (long awaited) end of Chapter 4**

Ha. I don't think this chapter sucked. That's right! My self esteem raised! –Yays.- But it wasn't great. Anyway, uh this chapter is really overdue? And it was pretty hard writing about Christmas when its in the middle-endish of February. The ending sucks. Lol. Chyeah. The corny love scenes are

A-overdone (as in done a lot!)

B-terribley written

C-short

But if you traveled into my mind, you would probably see them play out as like a small Imax-theatre-like thing and just be like 'whoa.'

Anywho…

"This is the worse story I've ever read."

My response?

_No kidding._

"This story is like a bunch of crap and it doesn't even make sense! Stop writing please please PLEASE."

My response?

_Oh please! Tell me more._

"This story isn't even funny."

My reponse?

_Your face._

_**Reviewers are great. End of story.**_

**Tennantfangirl:** Lol, tell your brother and his girlfriend I said hi, and that story was hilarious. I'm glad you think it's funny. D And good luck on your marriage! Invite me please? That would make my life completely and utterly perfect. Thank you very much for your review.

**itachi-is-mine:**Uh, thanks. And nice bunny btw. Very sexy.

**Strings of a Puppet: **I had to reread your review in order to understand it. (Haha.) And I heard if you shove tissue boxes up your nose, you might get tissue-stuck-in-my-nose-ilia. Yeah, super serious disease. And a nercophiliac is a person who likes to have sex with dead people. (Weird, I know. Just smile and nod) I'll avenge you by DESTROYING THOSE FAN-PEOPLE-THINGS! (thanks for the review btw.)

**WoAiKyoItsumo:** Lol. Just pure Lol. I didn't include the raping…Well I really don't remember if I did or not. And Mr. PaperBrownBaggy loves you too. He cheated on Ms. PlasticBagBagBaggy for you, Mr. Sock. Embrace the love. Thanks for the review.

**xSiillehh.:** What the POOP! Don't be sory for a late review! No such thing in my BOOK! Anyway, Oh dude, did you change your pen name? Was it like sillkitty or something. I answer your question and It's on the bottom of Chapter 3, if you're willing to check it out. And a necrophiliac is someone who likes to sex dead people. Oh and yeah, schizophrenia is a real word. Thanks for reviewing.

Quoted from chapter 3:

"**SiLLyKiTTyx3:** Thank you for reviewing! Where would I be without you? Honestly…

Schizophrenia is a disease or a disorder or something like that, which is when you talk to yourself. (Crazy…) Yeah."

****Once again: PLEASE REVIEW?


End file.
